Only Dead on the Inside by James Breakwell

Famous Tweeter James Brakewell has his debut novel out this month and I was so fortunate to snag an advanced review copy of Only Dead on the Inside to binge read! If you know James and his tweets and love him already, then this book will certainly have you squirting coffee out of your nose from severe trauma, errr I mean laughter! James’ honest parenting tweets have us laughing until we cry or crying until we laugh and his book takes those hilarious parenting tips and applies them to the apocalypse, which is certainly up my zombie-loving alley!

This mombie dug right into the book and all of the hilarious tips and illustrations, I think this is the only parenting guide I will ever need! His twitter account also has some great tips, if you don’t follow him, you should! Here’s why:

One of my favourite lines in the book appears early on:

“Illiteracy  is  one  of  the  worst  side  effects  of  zombieism,

second only to the insatiable hunger for human flesh.”

I knew I would immediately love this book after that line, I mean not being able to read is one of my worst nightmares, I LOVE BOOKS! I would rather devour books than human flesh so the important lesson here is STAY ALIVE!

Brakewell’s unique voice can be heard throughout the book, he continues to illustrate his points with comics and graphs and checklists, much like he does on twitter to add to the hilarity. If you thought parenting was difficult now, just wait until the apocalypse, because Brakewell certainly sums up the insanity of having to deal with zombies and kids. Kids simply don’t get impending doom do they? Nope! He cannot stress enough that kids are “the worst zombie apocalypse teammates imaginable.” It’s already hard enough to keep a toddler alive in a fairly baby-proofed house, it’s like they can smell danger and run towards it! It’s a painfully funny point and infuriatingly true!

The section in the book that had me howling the loudest was something completely relatable to my current situation. The Food Battle! In a section appropriately titled Eat or Be Eaten, Brakewell discusses how “picky” children will react to the apocalypse, the answer is simple, nothing will change! They will still continue to whine about the temperature of the food, or that they don’t want what you’re offering, and they are prepared to starve if you don’t come up with something good! I already can’t get my kids to eat, how in the world would they survive the apocalypse when I hand them a can of beans and say, “eat up?” The sheer idea of having to feed children, mainly toddlers, during the apocalypse scares me to death, even more so than those brain loving corpses!

In addition to being a fun read, Brakewell has some incredible one liners that will entertain my husband and I as we watch out children grow and give us gray hair, laughter is important when you’re a parent, it’s actually essential to our survival! Here are just a few of my fave lines:

“To deal with  children,  you  have  to  spread  them  out.  Send kids to  different  rooms  to  complete  pointless  tasks.  That potted cactus doesn’t  need  someone to read it poetry, but your kids don’t know that.” (Genius!)

“The sports weapons available to  you  will  vary  by  region.  In Canada, every child is born holding a hockey stick. It’s a wonder their mothers survive labor.” (Being from Canada, this speaks to me)

“As a parent, you’re an expert at avoiding confrontation. Not every battle is worth fighting. Sometimes it’s easier to hide in the closet and cry. No wonder the walk-in ones are so popular.” (Must get walk-in closet)

“There’s no such thing as a child-proof home. The best you can hope for is a home-proof child.” (This!!! So True, like I said, they smell danger)

I also live for those stroller combat suggestions, but you’ll just have to read it yourself to find out how that works! If you love zombies, stories about the apocalypse, and you’re a parent in serious need of a good laugh, then you may want to pick up this book.

 

I gladly give Breakwell’s debut book

5 out of 5 zombies

for the most solid parenting advice I have ever received!

 

Order it here: Only Dead on the Inside

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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